still thinking about “I’ve been struggling with the blood in my eye for a few weeks now. I’ve never been so fucking angry” because fuck yes, Orym. He’s been able to stay even keel–admirably so–for most of the campaign, but seeing him put his foot down and get angry, as he rightly should be, post-solstice? cathartic.
mild horniness is i think the single engine powering any good thing in the world. think of all the classes you’ve shown up to due to mild horniness. the times you’ve put on a nice shirt. the times you actually bothered to understand some arcane concept. are you sure that mild horniness had nothing to do with it? if we could harness this into energy we would actually solve for the oil & gas crisis.
Man, that Solstice really does just continue, huh? Sure is a shame that most of the Nein’s babysitting options are otherwise indisposed dealing with the wards around the Blooming Grove going out of commission, or, I don’t know, the newly-reimagined Nicodranas sewer system falling apart.
Who should the Nein turn to for cosmic babysitting services next?
pushing daisies really was a modern retelling of orpheus and eurydice in which they knew they wouldnt make it out of the underworld so instead they simply built a life together on the stairs
and like … actors are actors. Their whole thing is pretending to be other people? Can an actor pretend to be an elf or royalty or an alien but not queer? As long as they’re taking the role seriously, it’s fine.
if a straight person sees something meaningful, beautiful and worthy of emulation in the queer experience, that’s a good thing.
*Even if you count Lucien’s parents as Kingsley and Molly’s biological “parents,” Lucien both knew them and killed them, taking them all clear out of contention.
Honourable mentions:
Orym. The one who first made us think, is Chetney _____’s dad? Alas, we know from EXU that Orym’s biological dad went by the name “Tarrintel” - that is not to say that it was not, perhaps, an alias of Chetney’s once upon a time, but it would hardly be consistent branding for C-Pop Industries.
Scanlan. While we know that Scanlan’s father was not in his life, Scanlan did at least know enough about his father to say that his name was “Vicou.” Again, it’s possible that this is another Chetney alias, but be honest, can you really see Chetney ever going by the name “Vicou”? Would also be very awkward with Number 1 on this list…
And now, on to the rankings!
4. Yasha. Does not remember her biological parents, and it’s not impossible that Chetney might have swung by southern Xhorhas in his travels. On the whole though, I’d give it worse odds than the other names on this list.
3. Bertrand. International man of mystery Bertrand Bell is so enigmatic that at one point, it was even speculated that he was the Lord of the Crossroads over in Vasselheim. He does appear to be fully human, but it would be mildly funny if he “exited” the story right before his father came in, which is why he’s higher than Yasha.
2. Fjord. Who’s to say that his other biological parent wasn’t a half-orc who had a great night or two with Exandria’s best woodworker?
1. Pike. We actually don’t know terribly much about the Trickfoot family, or Pike’s parents. What we do know is that at some point, Pike’s parents left her with her cousins and went to Wynandir. Now would Chetney do a thing like that? Hard to say. There’s nothing saying that Pock O'Pea is his birth name - he could mayhaps have been born a Trickfoot who, say, got in really hot water over in Tal'Dorei and had to flee to Wildemount?
In conclusion, Critical Role has spent a great deal of time pondering the all-important question, “What is that mother’s name?” However, it is perhaps time that we all start asking, “What is that father’s name?” and maybe even, “Are you my freaking dad?”
every artist who has ever attempted to satirize masculinity i am so sorry
you could name a movie Portrait of a delusional abuser ruining his own life in pursuit of a fictional standard of manhood and 89% of its fanbase would still be like “Fuck yeah man it was so cool when Shit Cumdick gave that badass speech about how pushing everyone away and never letting yourself feel emotions is actually a good idea for your life. fuckin dope flick”
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